Move through “official feelings” and embrace change
Just when you thought you were back in the saddle (aka creative practicing) you got caught up in some tough feelings. Have anger, shame, or unhelpful "feedback" snuck up on you? We're unpacking the inner changes and external friction that's likely to emerge as you deepen your commitment to yourself and your creative priorities.
Listen in for support releasing negative and internalized beliefs, and reassurance that all this crunchy stuff is totally manageable. Plus, loads of assignments to support you in reflecting and healing your creativity for people who LOVE homework.
This episode pairs with Weeks 3 & 4 of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.
MOONLIGHT HIGHLIGHT
"Many blocked people are actually very powerful and creative personalities who have been made to feel guilty about their own strengths and gifts...Made to feel guilty for their talents, they often hide their own light under a bushel for fear of hurting others. Instead, they hurt themselves."
- Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way
ASK MOLLY
QUESTION
“I’m just starting to put my ideas to paper. I’m afraid of putting in time and it “going to waste” as I have a history of not finishing my writing works. Am I creative enough? Do I already know the answers?”
ANSWER
Sounds like sneaky self-defeating thoughts masquerading as truth have got you down. One place to start, is trying to catch your thoughts in the act as they occur. See if you can notice the nay saying sometimes. Then, you can practice replacing those thoughts with an alternative story (even when you don't quite believe it yet!)
For instance--rather than feeling that your unfinished projects are currently going to waste, you could take stock of the evidence of your creativity and capacity to write by making an actual list, folder, or just going through the works in progress you've created in the past to remind yourself of the proof that you have written!
Personally, I know I have drafts I'll never finish, but I also know that some of the projects I never finished could turn into something really cool some day. Once you start writing something, you can always go back to it, it doesn't just go away! Count those as wins.
And another quick one, you can easily flip "Am I creative enough?" to the affirmation, "I am creative enough." Like I said, you've got proof!
TEXT EXCAVATION
ARE YOU MAD?
The initial shine of reengaging your creative process may be wearing thin. It’s Week 3 and one thing you may feel is anger. What’s getting you mad? Your anger here is full of information. Are you frustrated that your new plan isn’t all kittens and rainbows? That the issues that stumped you in the past are still coming up? That other people are doing things and getting things you want? Look for what you’re after in the anger. What are your resentments, frustrations, and jealousies showing you about what you value and what would bring you satisfaction if you allowed yourself to move toward it?
WTH IS SYNCHRONICITY?
IS the universe holding your best interest in mind? I’m not too sure. If turning your faith over to the universe makes you do back flips, then by all means, but if you’re unsure about this, that’s okay. Another way of thinking about synchronicity, about whether or not the universe moves in alignment with you when you aim for your best life, what if you at least shed the belief that it was out to get you?
This sounds intuitive, but it’s a vulnerable process. It can be easy to hide behind negativity as “practicality,” and accidentally think the worst of what’s to come. What if synchronicity was what showed up when you gave yourself a chance? What if you opened up your tough shell enough to hear help when it was offered, to see inspiration where it approaches you, to take the next steps without knowing exactly how to reach your end goal?
Remember that your dreams aren’t as fleeting as they may seem. It truly isn’t too late, and you’re unlikely to forget what would make you feel good. You can say no to synchronicity, to the “help of the universe” to any supportive force or opportunities as long as you want, but opportunities to pursue your creative visions will come back to you.
A LITTLE THING CALLED SHAME
If it’s so easy to get support from the universe, begin again, and take one little step, then why does it feel so hard? If you’ve been criticized in the past, and be honest, who hasn’t, that can stay with you internally and kick up for any reason at any time. Give yourself some time to bring to light negative feelings and understand where your self-criticism, fears, and things that make you cringe with shame come from. Shame can be a major barrier to our creativity and to accepting ideas like synchronicity. What experiences programmed you to doubt yourself or to think negatively about your talents and skills? There is a way out of this. Knowing and naming what lured you into sticky thoughts about yourself can help you build up the willingness and strength to stop listening to them. Compassion and love for yourself are practices you can enact against shame.
HONEST CHANGES
As you lean into this process of growth, things may change inside you that cause changes around you, things that may even cause friction with others. There’s a lot to bring into balance here, the key to all of it, is listening to yourself and you’ve already got an awesome tool for doing that: The Morning Pages.
What do you find you want, need, and desire in the Morning Pages and how well does that match your external choices? How can you protect your tender new ideas and projects by keeping them away from some people, and sharing them with others? Which elements of your persona are remnants of your “official feelings” and which ones are part of your “real feelings”?
There’s all the space in the world for your tastes to change and new information to emerge. Remember that questions and resistance to this that comes from around you does not mean that you are doing something wrong! Our changes can be uncomfortable to others who have their own blocks, and some folks will just need a minute to catch up!
In order to explore your truths, what informs who you are today and who you want to be, there’s tons of activities from these chapters to turn to. Listen to the episode for more supportive context and discussion of activities to try.
RESOURCES & NEXT STEPS
Activity #1 - Rotten Habits: Reflect on your habits and list three that interfere with your self-nurturing or cause shame. Reflect on this question: What's the payoff in continuing them?
Activity #2 - Supports: Make a list of friends who nurture you (=give you a sense of your own competency & possibility) vs. enable you (=give you the message that you will never get it straight without their help.) List 3 nurturing friends & their traits that serve you well. Reach out to one of those friends.
Activity #3 - Plan an extended artist date: Can you create a small vacation for yourself? If an overnight or trip is too lofty, plan one day off to take as a home retreat day. What support and boundaries do you need to get in place to carry this plan forward?
Activity #4 - Throw out one piece of clothing or an outfit that you deem a "low-self-worth-outfit”